he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
