The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
