Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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