allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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