she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
