I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
