The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
