new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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