She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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