So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
