I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This house was built for laser tag.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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