and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
