i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
