There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
