i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
