I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
