I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
