I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize