Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
