The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
