I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
