You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
