He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
