I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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