thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
