Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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