But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
