Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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