I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize