I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
