You just made me feel so damn special
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
