My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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