i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
