Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
