The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize