from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
