my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
