first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
