I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
