Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
