I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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