I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
