thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I need moral support for this bender
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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