our cab driver is having phone sex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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