Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize