she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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