Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
