woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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