no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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