Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
