Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
