Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
