FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hippo gnu deer
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
