so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
