i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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