i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
