Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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