Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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