He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize