We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
