I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
