You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
