I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
