last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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