the condom got lost in my hair
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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