clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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