please come you make the beer taste better
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
