Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
