He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
