Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
