So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
