This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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