I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
