put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
